Brian Parker, bilingual literary genius. This actually happened, I can’t wait to try the rest.
HOLA!
Hola amiga. Me llamo Brian Parker. Yo soy 17 años. Yo vivo en Los Ángeles, California. Yo tengo dos hermanos. Mi hermano Evan son dieciocho años y Aaron es veinte años. Yo tengo dos perros son muy grandes.
También me gusta de jugar deportes. Yo juego a baloncesto, a voleibol, a golf, y a fútbol. Mi madre es profesora. Mi padre es doctor.
It’s cool that you like Blink-182 because I know Tom Delonge and Marc Hoppus from the band. I surf with them down in San Diego and a couple weeks ago I went to Tom’s house for a crazy party. If you ever come down to Los Angeles I’m sure I can introduce you to them if they are in town. They are both real chill and would show you a good time.
I like to party just like you do but the drinking age in the U.S. is 21 so we can’t have as much fun as you can. I like the picture you sent. Are all Spanish girls as hot as you and your friend?
Hope to hear from you soon,
Brian Parker
HOLA SENORITA.doc
I know it’s been too long since the last post so I’ll bring us back with a gem in the form of a 9th grade Spanish pen pal letter.
I think he sent a picture of Patrick Ewing as his photo for one of the pen pal letters but unfortunately this one had nothing attached.
Brian Parker
English 2C
Mitch Kohn
11/26/2000
The Working Horse
Everyday he works. His job is to tow the plow up and down the field. He doesn’t mind his work. His doesn’t mind his boss, Farmer Rob because Jim treats him well. His name is Rudy and he is a working horse. While other horses prance around free and careless, Rudy works.
Rudy didn’t mind his job until one fateful day when his boss, Farmer Rob decided to sell him. Since Rudy was a hard working horse, fit and trim, he was sold immediately to Harold. Harold has three sons, Hubert, Hank, and Ricky. Harold led Rudy into the barn and Rudy saw something that he hadn’t seen before, a whip.
The first day on the job Rudy was towing the plow and all of a sudden, “Thwap.” He was whipped. Harold began yelling at him, “Faster you inbreed idiot.” Rudy had never experienced this before but he knew he didn’t like it.
For the next few weeks Harold, Hubert, and Hank all took him out to plow, and when Rudy slowed down he was whipped. Rudy started to mind his job.
The youngest son, Ricky, decided that he had seen enough tormenting of the poor horse. So, one day he let Rudy out of the barn and set him free.
Instead of working, Rudy prances around, free and careless.
The Working Horse.doc
Ruuudy! Ruuudy! Ruuudy!
Brian Parker
Ethics
Kirril Taranoutchenko
2/22/03
Best Friends
There is no set standard for a best friend. A true best friend never has to prove how worthy they are or express their loyalty towards you. To me, being best friends is more natural. There is no hassle in the friendship. You get along, you trust each other, you have fun together, you like each other’s humor, you like similar things. There can’t be a best friend checklist. There can’t be a fail proof test. If both think they are best friends then it’s settled. I have four best friends and they are all so different that it is somewhat ridiculous. But, I get along with them so well and trust them so much that I consider them best friends. Case closed.
I wasn’t sure if that was enough so I included these off-topic tidbits.
To most girls, a best friend is someone they can tell about boys, ask for advice, fish for compliments, and then buy a necklace that says BFF (Best Friends Forever) until one finds out the other called her fat behind her back. This may be a pessimistic view of things but at some point in most girls’ lives they have had this type of “best friend”. My standards are very different.
I never tell my friends about girls. It pisses them off, but a little over a year ago I decided to not talk about relationships (who I liked, how far I had gone, etc.) with even my closest friends. I did this for a few reasons. First, I found that when friends know about a crush, they inadvertently ruin everything. I pride myself on independence and figure that the best way to get the girl is to get her yourself, not through a middleman. Second, I felt that bragging about whom you have hooked up with, made me hook up with girls for all the wrong reasons. Thirdly, girls like it.
Brian Parker.rtf
There is no hassle in the friendship. You get along, you trust each other, you have fun together, you like each other’s humor, you like similar things, you post all of their high school homework on the internet.
I consider Brian a BFF (Best Friends Forever).
Big Chunka Wonka.doc
Because sometimes it can be intentionally funny. Yes, it included the picture in the original document.
Sean Mobasser, avid reader of this fine blog, requested a translation of the Spanish homework. I assume there are some others out there who would enjoy this as well.
The issue with doing this is that many of the errors that would amuse someone with an understanding of Spanish just don’t translate into English. This is for the following reasons:
Things like noun genders don’t exist in English and can’t be translated at all.
It uses English phrases that don’t exist in the Spanish language. This is amusing but the translation just ends up reading like normal English as a result. I suppose in the case of something like “Jose es 36 años de viejo,” you can get a little creative in preserving the error. It directly translates to “Jose is 36 years of age,” but in proper Spanish it should read, “Jose tiene 36 años,” which translates directly to, “Jose has 36 years.” I guess this would be the proper translation to use if I’m trying to convey the mistake made. Unfortunately there isn’t always a correlating mistake from Spanish to English for all cases so I’m not going to translate the whole paper like this.
What I will point out is that Brian didn’t use any accents over the letters. This potentially changes the tense of some verbs or even the entire meaning of the word.
For example:
Looking at the first sentence again, we have años written without a tilde over the n.
Años means years.
Anos means anuses.
Seriously.
Jose is 36 aged anuses.
I bet Vilma got a kick out of that one.
Expressing things with words is what got him into this pickle in the first place!
